


This is My Kingdom Come

by SpicyCheese



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Inner Dialogue, brief allusions of suicidal ideation (but really more of a passing thought), nothing upbeat here, set during couch scene in 2x18 so spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 06:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10736544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyCheese/pseuds/SpicyCheese
Summary: Lena has always been afraid of the person she might be, but has successfully kept it in check so far. Now she's not sure how much longer she can hold it back.





	This is My Kingdom Come

 

*_*_*

 

She always wondered what it would take, to set off that part of her she’s known has lain dormant for so long. She’s always wondered how long she could go before the Luthor inside would force it’s way to the surface, bursting forth to destroy everything in its wake.

She’d created a dam long ago; something constructed inside purposefully, engineered as best she could over the years, to keep it contained. She’s created it to channel that force inside, to hold it back and use that pressure to energize her forward. As long as it’s controlled, it could almost be useful. As long as it’s controlled, it isn’t a threat.

Except piece by piece, the foundation of the dam is eroding.

Lionel, Lex, Lillian, and now Jack. A person cannot exist on their own. They need supports. Except now these people whom she’d trusted, trusted with her self, are gone. Pillars ripped away and she’s not sure how much longer she can hold that force back anymore.

It’s not revenge inside her, it’s  _wrath_. It’s divine retribution on a grand scale. It’s kamakzi zealous blood thirst for justice- justice for whatever the world has wroth upon itself and her. That's the original sin her family has passed down to her, their legacy. That’s the unstoppable force she’s held back

For years she’s only vented the pressure of it in trickles. Private moments. In glasses smashed against the wall and tears shed in the dark. This is the driving force that propelled and destroyed everyone she’s loved: the idea that the world was going to get what it deserved, no matter the cost.

After the events at Spheer Industries, after Jack died, Lena returned to the office. Autopilot set in. She caught her reflection in a mirror and saw Lillian. Saw Lex. Saw the _cold_ within her, that freezing churning ocean of wrath swimming behind her eyes.

Lena sat on the couch, and deliberated over options.

She briefly played with the notion of removing the threat, weighting her existance objectively against unknown destruction that might occur should she lose control. Her family endangered everyone in pursuit of what they deemed just, valuing the fate of one life over the fate of many. Would it balance the books somehow if Lena were to choose to preserve the lives of thousands of potential victims, over her own?

She dismisses the notion quickly. She’s a Luthor. Luthor’s calculate odds, they deal with fact, and there are simply too many unknown variables to make such a irreversible decision. The variable of her own capabilities being the biggest unknown.

Kara arrives at the office now, a welcome distraction. Kara holds her, holds her up, holds her together, promises she’ll be there ( _they all promised Lena though_ ).

Then she says she’ll protect her.

No,  _Supergirl_  does, because it’s only with eyes closed that Lena notices it’s Supergirl’s voice, Supergirl’s arms, wrapped around her.

Kara is Supergirl and Lena cannot help feel, in that betrayal, that she just lost someone else. 

The dam is cracking. Lena feels the pressure swelling up behind her chest. She feels the surge seeping through, ready to drown all she’s protected for so long. To drown anything in her path.

Lena is afraid. She’s afraid because she’s not sure she can stop it. She’s afraid she was never meant to. Lena is afraid that maybe this thing inside her is more fate than fatal flaw, a destiny she’s had no chance of escaping since the beginning.

She’s afraid because the last person she has, the only support she has left, just happens to be the only one that could save her.

Or stop her.

Lena is afraid because she’s not sure, if it comes down to it, which Kara is going to do.

 

*_*_*


End file.
